


Problems Not Solved

by timaeustestifiedsilence



Series: Homestuck Shorts [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Land of Crypts and Helium, Land of Mounds and Xenon, Land of Pyramids and Neon, Other, Relationship Issues, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 07:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3802117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timaeustestifiedsilence/pseuds/timaeustestifiedsilence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my headcanon on how the alpha kids came out of trickster mode. Yes, I know in canon that Jane just dropped the sucker/lollipop and they snapped out of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Problems Not Solved

The kids had problems. A lot of them. The fact that they were just a group of raging teenagers with raging hormones and weak, un-cited ideas of love was what really ruined things. Roxy liked Dirk, Dirk liked Jake, Jake liked Neytiri and girls in general but was also ??? towards Dirk, and Jane liked Jake. Roxy knew Jane liked Jake, so she told Jack to pester Jane. Jake asked her if she liked him. In the heat of the moment, she said no. Later, Jake and Dirk got together. Jake bothered her with his relationship issues, neglecting to ever ask how she felt. Jane got mad. She was hurt. Jealous. She went back to her house on her planet and made Calliope's and Caliborn's JuJus and fused them.

**== > ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS ARE SOLVED!!!**

**== > YOU ARE SOOO HAPPY NOW!!!**

Jane went trickster first. It was a glorious feeling, like all the joy had been sucked out of the world and injected into her brain like a shot of happy botox. Everything seemed brighter and prettier. She didn't know why, but she felt that everything was so much better! She needn't worry anymore. She could soar through the sky freely, seeing her grey, dead planet below and the dark expanses of space above. How could she  _possibly_ keep this euphoria all to herself. She simply  _had_ to share it. 

Goodbye Land of Crypts and Helium, hello Land of Mounds and Xenon. Jake was sitting on a hill, practically waiting for her. He soon noticed Jane and her happy colour scheme. To you, it would seem that Jake was scared. Jane was not herself! Oh, but Jane knew better. He was curious deep down. Jealous, even. How could she be so happy? He wants to be happy, too. She could see the unseeable. 

All of Jane's problems had been solved. Now she just had to confirm the solution with Jake. She confessed her love to him! It felt good to finally say it. Jake tried to run, but in her moment of squealing with joy and flailing excitedly, she kicked him in the groin. But it was okay! Because now Jake was happy too. His boring black hair turned a handsome shade of bright green, adorned with a cute little pumpkin, while Jane had a little cupcake.

Jake rose up in the air and spun gleefully. He and Jane twirled each other wildly, giggling incessantly. Jake halted to tell Jane that he loved her too! So much! And that he wanted to marry her! But first, he wanted to go . . . on an adventure!!!

The next stop was the pretty purple planet, Derse. Roxy was there! She  _was_ imprisoned, but with her super cool ring, she could turn invisible. Also her voidey powers made it possible for her to go through walls. The dersites couldn't see her, but Jane and Jake could. The silly girl couldn't hide from them forever!

Finally, they chased her down. Jake used his magical trickster-turning pumpkin and bomped it onto her head. Jane and Jake were so glad that Roxy was finally happy! This calls for a celebration! Part one consisted of extremely ecstatic flailing. It was their 'pumped up' jig, their happy dance. Part two of the celebration took place in the kitchen of Roxy's house, stationed on the Land of Pyramids and Neon. Bottoms up, everybody! A few drinks can't hurt. Once they were all good an inebriated, it was off to visit Dirk on the Land of Crypts and Xenon.

The three had fun flying through space to Dirk's planet. They were too drunk to really see straight anymore, so they freely bumped into each other. It was rather silly, and each collision caused little fits of laughter. Someone was bopped on the head with Jane's lollipop, and Roxy's scarf was tied to Jake and Jane so that they wouldn't lose each other. 

At long last, they were there. Dirk didn't seem too happy to see them, but he would soon. It was Roxy's turn someone into a trickster. Jane and Jake stayed back as Roxy smooched the swordsman. He struggled but to no avail as the colours flooded into him. With fiery red hair and a pop can nestled within, Dirk had somehow gotten even hotter! Alas, the colours had no affect on his impenetrable mind. He wouldn't smile. He wouldn't giggle. He wouldn't dance with the others. Regardless, Roxy latched her hand onto his and dragged him off into space for some shenanigans. 

* * *

 They lost track of time and direction. Wandering wherever they could, turning anything moving into a trickster. And then it stopped. Jane dropped the lollipop that had turned her into a trickster in the first place.

At first, no one said anything. They didn't know _what_ to say. Then Jane started crying. Her wails of agony echoed as much as they could in space. The cupcake in her hair withered and disappeared. The colour started fading out of her, only to reappear in her endless torrent of tears. One by one, the colours left the others as well.

The colours left Roxy almost instantly. She gagged and retched, and then she was puking. It was like a waterfall of neon and regret. She had been sober for so long, and when she drank at her house as a trickster, she fell off the wagon. This is what she got.

Jake foamed at the mouth like a rabid animal that would be found in the depths of his jungle home. It was slow and bubbly and some of the multi-coloured bubbles disconnected and floated off.

And Dirk had to watch all of it. He had to watch his friends suffer. Since he hadn't gone completely trickster and his mind hadn't been affected, his reds and oranges slowly melted off of him from head to toe. The colours puddled around his feet and finally the others stopped, devoid of colour.

There was a loud snap and the kids appeared on their dream beds on their respective dream planets.

They were disheveled. Hungover. Shaking. Distraught. Yes, everything was back to normal.

**== > Your problems have not been solved.**


End file.
